sunny rain

I've been thinking about myself a lot lately... getting caught up in my own life and feeling like I always have something to complain about. I don't really want to be that kind of person.

The other day, it was really rainy and I had to wake up for one of my classes after not having had much sleep. It was really hard to get out of bed because it was so cold and rainy outside. When I got to class, I found out class had been cancelled, so I was really annoyed that I had gotten up at all. But I was walking back to my dorm, and the rain had become really light, and the sun was out.

This is my favorite kind of rain, when it's sunny and rainy at the same time. And cool.

No one was walking around campus because people were in class or still in their dorms, and everything felt still.

I was so grouchy but in that moment I just remembered how small I was. How there's all this around me that I'm just never thinking about. I hadn't had a moment like that in a long time.

Just been caught up in my mind, in my small life.

It felt nice to know that I still smile at the rain and other pretty things. It made me feel like I hadn't completely lost touch.

But I don't like who I've been lately.

I feel like I could be a much better person.

grey escape

Dreams

I've been having very vivid dreams recently. This is pretty unusual for me. It might be because I'm getting less sleep than usual, or because I stopped trying to wake up at the right time in my REM cycle. Either way, it's been interesting.

Often times I find relevance in my dreams... people acting in ways that reflect how I feel about our relationship or settings from TV shows or movies I'd recently watched.

But last night was the second night I've had a dream where my teeth were falling out.

Apparently this is a very common dream. I remember in my Psych class in high school, we were talking about dream analysis and my teacher asked who had had a dream where their teeth had fallen out, and I was one of the only people with my hand still down.

It's a lot freakier than it sounds... because I wake up and I swear I can still taste blood and feel what it's like to rub my tongue around and feel the little holes in my mouth... I'm trying not to get too graphic here but it's a lot more disturbing than it initially sounds. In both dreams I had my teeth in my hands as they were falling out. Weird huh?

Anyway, I looked up to see what this means. According to "Dream Moods" this dream could stem from...

A. a fear of rejection, sexual impotence or the consequences of getting old

B. a fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of myself in some situation

C. feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in my life

An alternative interpretation comes from scripture, which says that falling teeth mean that I am putting my faith, trust, and beliefs in what man thinks, rather than in the word of God.

I don't think any of these resonate. If anything maybe the alternative interpretation. 

Anyway, just thought it was interesting.