i can't remember if i've mentioned this before, but i'm realizing more and more how important it is to like yourself.
when my mom and dad fight, i find myself in my head blaming my mom a lot, even though my dad is definitely just as much to blame as she is. today i was wondering why i do that, and i thought that it was because i'm a lot more like my mom. her shortcomings are very similar (if not identical to) mine. so of course i have a lot less sympathy for her than i do my dad.
it's always been easier for me to love, respect and get along with people who have very different characters than i do. even my best friend, for example, who everyone thinks is really similar to me, is actually very, very different from me. we have a lot of shared interests and shared experiences, but if she and i hadn't grown up together i think we would have almost nothing in common. and she's someone that i look up to a lot. and i love being around her.
but when i think of all the people in my life who i've really struggled with... often times they have been really really similar to me. i came up with a lot of reasons about why i don't like them in my mind, but when it comes down to it, they're not very logical and i think that the simple fact that they're similar to me explains my repulsion to them more than anything else. and i know that's very unfair to them.
so then i was wondering... how did it happen that i have such a difficult time with myself? was it the way i was raised? if so, how do i avoid doing that to my kids?
i don't blame my parents. when i look at what their parents were like, i'm very impressed with how far they came with us. i used to think that i could have an almost-perfect relationship with them if i tried hard enough... but i'm starting to understand that they've just had really difficult lives. i don't think they are capable of being close to me in the way that i would like.
anyway, i hope that i can learn how to raise my kids to have self confidence and self love. i guess i need to have that for myself first. that would make sense. so that's something to work on. because not liking yourself causes a lot of problems.
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When the time comes I think you will be a great mom. I notice how people enjoy being around you, it's because you give off love very naturally. People feel that, and i am sure your future kids will too.
ReplyDeletewhile I don't know how to raise kids. E. and I talk about it sometimes. I think being open and listening to them, being honest with them is a good start. Not burdening them with heavy expectations.
As for loving ones self, for me I found that reflection and prayer helped alot. I would sometimes make lists of things that I like about my self. While most of the times the lists would be pretty short, at least I had a hand full of positive things about myself.
I would also make a list of all my weak points. I dont recommend doing this too often though (it gets really depressing). But dont just make a list of weak points, make the "bad" list them pick a few and try to make them better.
For me liking myself began when I started to understand God/love. I felt that there is this being who created me, and loves me. Maybe I can also love me.
It's always hardest to love yourself and the ones who created you. Because you cant really see yourself, but you can see it in them. You want those bad parts to change in yourself but also in them. But you cant change your creators, only your self, but you cant see yourself as easily. So you hope that them changing will help you change. Also the fact that they birthed you and raised you, so automatically it makes sense that they have had more time and experience to work out their issues, but haven't. (that came out alot more confusing than I had planned, also when I say "you" i am not directly addressing you, but myself and people in general)
keep blogging!, keep your chin up! you're awesome!