i think am doing better now. i think i just had to face some things about myself.
1) i have not outgrown my need for validation.
2) i have to be careful not to be too hard on myself and i have to watch out when i start thinking too many bad thoughts.
3) i will make mistakes. like take more classes i can handle, or be bad at a subject, or hurt somebody or be irresponsible. i just have to learn from them and try not to repeat them and try to handle them one at a time.
4) i should try to talk to my parents.
even though finals are coming up and my sleep schedule is a complete mess and i haven't studied and i have a lot a lot a lot to do and be thinking about, i really think it was good to take a look at the mess that has become my "inner life" so to speak. i had a lot to confront. still do.
i have some really good friends who seem to believe in me and who are watching out for me.
and if it wasn't for them i don't know if i would be okay.
i hope that one day they will know how much their love and support means to me.
(thank you.)
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