A recent dilemma in my life has had to do with my roommate, who I like a lot, and her boyfriend, who I don't.
In short, I have become a regular victim of sexiling.
Being sexiled means that someone is having sex (or engaging in other intimate activities) in a place that you need to go, leaving you either trapped or locked out of your room.
Also, he likes to sleep over. Or take naps in our room.
I might be more okay with this if I knew him personally, or just thought he was a great guy or something. But unfortunately that is not that case. And I really like/need my personal space.
So tonight, I'm left with the realization that I am bad at communicating or standing up for myself, since I've not made it clear to her how uncomfortable I am with this situation.
So that's that.
And since we're on the topic, I will just say something else that has been kind of upsetting me lately. I work with this man who, recently, has been very demeaning about my choice to remain celibate until marriage. I get that it seems very silly to people, but I don't think anyone should be so quick to make fun of people for something like that. He was also being very condescending about my religion, which made me feel worse.
Some people really don't know what it's like to be set apart from others because of their beliefs/upbringing. Some people also don't know what it's like to make decisions that are different than most other people. So I guess some people can be very insensitive and ignorant about these things.
Even though it's been hard for me, personally, to have been raised so differently than other people, I really am glad that I have the perspective that I do.
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
Entanglement
I heard this really interesting story on the radio the other night about this woman who physically feels what other people feel when she sees them experiencing that feeling. You can listen to it here.
She also has a lot of issues because this condition extends into her emotional life: she also feels emotionally what other people feel and therefore becomes so involved in their lives that she completely loses her own sense of identity. She described herself as having these moments where she couldn't figure out if she ended up somewhere as a result of her own desires or as a result of being completely lost in someone else's.
This made me think a lot... because I feel like that too sometimes, just not as extreme.
I get really wrapped up in the people around me. Sometimes I'll just hang around people even if I'm really tired or have a lot I need to do just because I'll feel like... responsible to contribute to the people's happiness around me or.. because other people want to keep doing stuff or because we're having fun. And it's not like I'm consciously setting aside my own desires, it's just that they don't really exist at that point in time. And sometimes at the end of the night I'll wonder how I even ended up doing whatever I did.
And sometimes when I talk to someone one-on-one, I'll feel so present and involved that afterwards I just feel so drained... like I just gave a part of myself away or something. I'm not trying to be dramatic, that's just the closest way I can think of to describing it.
That's why I like to have friends that I'm comfortable with or that I really trust... because if I trust them, then I don't have to worry about getting really wrapped up in them.. if my dreams become their dreams and my desires become their desires then that's not a bad thing. I feel happy going in the same direction as them. But sometimes, if I'm around people who I don't really trust, then I start to feel really anxious, like I could be doing something wrong.
It's weird. I get really confused thinking about it.
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Susan Durges exposed her paper under water and used the light shining through the water and shadows of tree branches hanging over the water to get these prints:
She also has a lot of issues because this condition extends into her emotional life: she also feels emotionally what other people feel and therefore becomes so involved in their lives that she completely loses her own sense of identity. She described herself as having these moments where she couldn't figure out if she ended up somewhere as a result of her own desires or as a result of being completely lost in someone else's.
This made me think a lot... because I feel like that too sometimes, just not as extreme.
I get really wrapped up in the people around me. Sometimes I'll just hang around people even if I'm really tired or have a lot I need to do just because I'll feel like... responsible to contribute to the people's happiness around me or.. because other people want to keep doing stuff or because we're having fun. And it's not like I'm consciously setting aside my own desires, it's just that they don't really exist at that point in time. And sometimes at the end of the night I'll wonder how I even ended up doing whatever I did.
And sometimes when I talk to someone one-on-one, I'll feel so present and involved that afterwards I just feel so drained... like I just gave a part of myself away or something. I'm not trying to be dramatic, that's just the closest way I can think of to describing it.
That's why I like to have friends that I'm comfortable with or that I really trust... because if I trust them, then I don't have to worry about getting really wrapped up in them.. if my dreams become their dreams and my desires become their desires then that's not a bad thing. I feel happy going in the same direction as them. But sometimes, if I'm around people who I don't really trust, then I start to feel really anxious, like I could be doing something wrong.
It's weird. I get really confused thinking about it.
---
Susan Durges exposed her paper under water and used the light shining through the water and shadows of tree branches hanging over the water to get these prints:
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